Finally, I have decided to login after 2 days from meeting up a seasoned old man, Dr Wong Chow Yin from SGH. The wait was teriible and I was hungry and irritated by the nurses especially the old lasy with bright high lighted hair that took 3 tubes of my blood. She wasted a tube and blame it on me for letting go my hand. I was hungry, my hands were shivering. How did she expect me to hold on so tightly to a stress ball?
My back hurts terribly this morning, it felt like an electric shock when I was brushing my teeth and the first thought that came was, omg! how am I going for the op like this? How am I going to take good care of myself? I am a little bit disappointed, a little, but the best I can do is try to get dress and see my regular tcm sinseh. Unfortunately, he is not in and whoever was in, frightened me so much that I quickly paid and left.
Saturday, July 31, 2010
29 July , Thursday
Today was supposed to be like D day to me. I was half excited and half worried. Half excited as to finally my wait to see this Surgeon Wong is finally here. Many even the nurses told me that I am real lucky to get to see him within a week. Half worries as to what is Surgeon Wong considered my case as Stage 3 instead?
As our appt was at 10, we drove directly to SGH should we be caught in a jam but little did we realsied our mistake until too late. SGH's queue was based on schedule time, so if a patient is schedule for 9am appt, s/he can still see doc b4 us even though s/he walks in at 11am. So there's no point going earlier than appt time. My mil felt it was the right way when I later complained to her.
It took about 4 hours before we finally get to see the 'King of B' (hee hee... this is his nickname) A normal looking old man with a room filled with .... nurses. He has nurses to do anything & everything. He has 2 rooms to himself. One room for patients that are taking some simple tests & one room for consultation.
As our appt was at 10, we drove directly to SGH should we be caught in a jam but little did we realsied our mistake until too late. SGH's queue was based on schedule time, so if a patient is schedule for 9am appt, s/he can still see doc b4 us even though s/he walks in at 11am. So there's no point going earlier than appt time. My mil felt it was the right way when I later complained to her.
It took about 4 hours before we finally get to see the 'King of B' (hee hee... this is his nickname) A normal looking old man with a room filled with .... nurses. He has nurses to do anything & everything. He has 2 rooms to himself. One room for patients that are taking some simple tests & one room for consultation.
Tuesday, July 27, 2010
28 July 2010, Wednesday
Good morning all!
I've decided to spend my day in the office. I've cleaned up most of the stuff and now ready to embark in the next journey. Nonetheless, I'll bring my laptop home should I have left out anything that I've forgotten to 'handover'.
1st thing I've done was to pay my first credit card bill although the due date is mid Aug. I've finally applied and received my very first credit card. Not that I like credit cards. I prefer cash actually. And upon receipt, I actually could not stop signing and the bill amount to $336. This amount is for toys for my girl. Fortunately, I was able to 'wake up' soon enough and put the card aside before it's too late.
2nd thing would be to fill up some forms to request for a duplicate of my insurance policy. Called up Prudential. Seems like I can only start filling in the forms after the surgery...
Almost done with my work.
Counting down to meeting with Surgeon Wong. Old, loud but kind man.
I've decided to spend my day in the office. I've cleaned up most of the stuff and now ready to embark in the next journey. Nonetheless, I'll bring my laptop home should I have left out anything that I've forgotten to 'handover'.
1st thing I've done was to pay my first credit card bill although the due date is mid Aug. I've finally applied and received my very first credit card. Not that I like credit cards. I prefer cash actually. And upon receipt, I actually could not stop signing and the bill amount to $336. This amount is for toys for my girl. Fortunately, I was able to 'wake up' soon enough and put the card aside before it's too late.
2nd thing would be to fill up some forms to request for a duplicate of my insurance policy. Called up Prudential. Seems like I can only start filling in the forms after the surgery...
Almost done with my work.
Counting down to meeting with Surgeon Wong. Old, loud but kind man.
27 July 2010, Tuesday
Good day!
Can you imagine how my volume of work dropped drastically after so many came to know of my condition ?!?!?!?!
Good and bad. Good is that I can finish up my work with minimum interruption. Enjoy the peace...
Now, the only thing is to wait for the appointment with SGH this Fri. This is the earliest date they can offer and indeed many did fedback that I am lucky to have an appointment so quickly. Wait... wait... wait... what else would ease the wait?
It's tiring trying to repeat my story again and again. I didn't want to but people are concern. So I decided to write a blog. Dun call me an expert. It's my first time. This blog should be active until I recover. This blog could indirectly help me tell all my loved ones how I really felt. This blog will be a venue for me to pour out whatever unplesant feelings when I am low. Do pardon all my grammar error or Singlish, I am no saint but I am good. I am traditional. I abide by the rules... most of the time.
Can you imagine how my volume of work dropped drastically after so many came to know of my condition ?!?!?!?!
Good and bad. Good is that I can finish up my work with minimum interruption. Enjoy the peace...
Now, the only thing is to wait for the appointment with SGH this Fri. This is the earliest date they can offer and indeed many did fedback that I am lucky to have an appointment so quickly. Wait... wait... wait... what else would ease the wait?
It's tiring trying to repeat my story again and again. I didn't want to but people are concern. So I decided to write a blog. Dun call me an expert. It's my first time. This blog should be active until I recover. This blog could indirectly help me tell all my loved ones how I really felt. This blog will be a venue for me to pour out whatever unplesant feelings when I am low. Do pardon all my grammar error or Singlish, I am no saint but I am good. I am traditional. I abide by the rules... most of the time.
26 July 2010, Monday
Seemed like the first day of work with a different mindset. My objective was to finish as much work as I can before I go on a 3 week (medical) leave. It's just like anyone else who is going on a holiday.
I met with a few colleagues on my way to my cubicle and they looked at me 'differently'. Yes, differently. It's not like any other usual morning. It couldn't be because it's Monday. It's because they knew. I was surprised that they knew. I became weary, not because my heart is sadden over my plight. I am sadden by the invisible pressure from others.
Although I am, on the surface, a very open and happy go lucky person to many. But I prefer to have my own privacy. I never like to display my issues/problems/secrets openly. I dun need such attention and I think I never will. I am a little bit angry that news spread and being in this orgn for so long, I know it is inevitable.
I sent out a few emails to affected parties and thought of alternatives for day to day operations to continue in my absence. I tied all my paper work and labeled them clearly. I kept my table clean. That's me and it always will.
I checked my time and it's time for my lunch! I've looked forward to this lunch as I'm meeting my good old pals to break the news to them personally. I just felt they need to know and I've all the answers to their questions, almost. We planned to meet at Bakerzin at Northpoint. I was lucky today, an oncoming bus and a taxi stopped in front of me and we took the latter.
Lunch was good. I had seafood sphagetti which was topped with squids, mussels and prawns. I just have to have them before the op. After that, I will stop. Maybe...
The 4 of us was cheerful, they waited patiently for me to update them on what they dun know yet. They gave me advices which I took note. Thet were supportive. One offered to cook for me when I recuperate. One offered to babysit my girl. One offered to stay over at the hospital with me. I was touched but I didnt accept them immediately. It's not I dun want to. I just couldn't. It's me. I am a giver, never a receiver. My stupid pride just won't budge. Takes time... you see... takes time.
I felt good after telling them. Even proud of it. You see, we meet often for dinners and each of us has much to share as we have gone thru different ups and downs in our own lifes. But mine has been too smooth going and all I have to share is about my girl. Now at last, I have something different. A new chapter in life. You can call me crazy but this is really how I feel. Honest.
I met with a few colleagues on my way to my cubicle and they looked at me 'differently'. Yes, differently. It's not like any other usual morning. It couldn't be because it's Monday. It's because they knew. I was surprised that they knew. I became weary, not because my heart is sadden over my plight. I am sadden by the invisible pressure from others.
Although I am, on the surface, a very open and happy go lucky person to many. But I prefer to have my own privacy. I never like to display my issues/problems/secrets openly. I dun need such attention and I think I never will. I am a little bit angry that news spread and being in this orgn for so long, I know it is inevitable.
I sent out a few emails to affected parties and thought of alternatives for day to day operations to continue in my absence. I tied all my paper work and labeled them clearly. I kept my table clean. That's me and it always will.
I checked my time and it's time for my lunch! I've looked forward to this lunch as I'm meeting my good old pals to break the news to them personally. I just felt they need to know and I've all the answers to their questions, almost. We planned to meet at Bakerzin at Northpoint. I was lucky today, an oncoming bus and a taxi stopped in front of me and we took the latter.
Lunch was good. I had seafood sphagetti which was topped with squids, mussels and prawns. I just have to have them before the op. After that, I will stop. Maybe...
The 4 of us was cheerful, they waited patiently for me to update them on what they dun know yet. They gave me advices which I took note. Thet were supportive. One offered to cook for me when I recuperate. One offered to babysit my girl. One offered to stay over at the hospital with me. I was touched but I didnt accept them immediately. It's not I dun want to. I just couldn't. It's me. I am a giver, never a receiver. My stupid pride just won't budge. Takes time... you see... takes time.
I felt good after telling them. Even proud of it. You see, we meet often for dinners and each of us has much to share as we have gone thru different ups and downs in our own lifes. But mine has been too smooth going and all I have to share is about my girl. Now at last, I have something different. A new chapter in life. You can call me crazy but this is really how I feel. Honest.
25 July 2010, Sunday
My hubby commented that so many have happended in just a few days. And we are really exhausted.
You see, we had been together for 10 years and we never really had a crisis, not including the girl that was born in 2006 that changed our lives.
I decided to go to work tomorrow so that I can try to close all outstanding tasks and make my working documents accessible to ease the AMs' stress during my absence. I've always been a responsible person at work and I always will. I know I am dispensable and I know work isn't everything but it is a big part of my life. And I really need a lot of time to re-prioritise it. I'll try. I'll.
You see, we had been together for 10 years and we never really had a crisis, not including the girl that was born in 2006 that changed our lives.
I decided to go to work tomorrow so that I can try to close all outstanding tasks and make my working documents accessible to ease the AMs' stress during my absence. I've always been a responsible person at work and I always will. I know I am dispensable and I know work isn't everything but it is a big part of my life. And I really need a lot of time to re-prioritise it. I'll try. I'll.
24 July 2010, Saturday
This was longest weekend I've ever went thru...
We cry We talk We hug We laugh over it...
I settled my heart and started to think of WHO I have to break the news... so many names came into place. I started with my in laws. They were next to the most important people to me. As, should I have any mishap, which I won't, they have to care for both my girl and their dearest son. My mil was sort of 'shocked' but she didn't question too much. She told my sil and got her to ask my hubby for more details instead. My mil, who could never express her real feelings verbally, had tried to console me and asked me to stay positive and not think too much. So touching rite? Hee... so she loves me too. (P.S. dun ever tell her what I wrote here)
We started web surfing for more and more info... until we got info overwhelmed.
We cry We talk We hug We laugh over it...
I settled my heart and started to think of WHO I have to break the news... so many names came into place. I started with my in laws. They were next to the most important people to me. As, should I have any mishap, which I won't, they have to care for both my girl and their dearest son. My mil was sort of 'shocked' but she didn't question too much. She told my sil and got her to ask my hubby for more details instead. My mil, who could never express her real feelings verbally, had tried to console me and asked me to stay positive and not think too much. So touching rite? Hee... so she loves me too. (P.S. dun ever tell her what I wrote here)
We started web surfing for more and more info... until we got info overwhelmed.
Monday, July 26, 2010
23 July 2010, Friday
After a sleepless nite for both of us, we tried consoling each other.
I felt good enough to laugh it through. I am not dying just like this. But I do have to start planning on how to 'transfer' whatever asset I have to a trusted person, so that the process will not be so tedious thereafter. I did not write a will because I do not have much asset really, to pass down.
We were at the clinic early, hoping to get a car park lot without too much waiting. But it took us 2.5hrs wait at the clinic, because Joy Lee said, we have to be the last patient as we will be having a LONG talk. Isn't it obvious what result it will be? That 2.5hrs was forever. But my hubby was with me, and forever isn't an issue.
When we finally saw her, it was 2.30pm and we were all very hungry. Nonetheless, we talked and talked and talked. I asked so many questions and she showed me pictures after pictures, textbooks after textbooks and charts after charts. The decision was upon me now to decide what and when I want to go for the surgery. The rest like radiation and chemo will follow after the op.
Nonetheless, I wanted to go through the series of tests like chest x-ray, mammogram, ECG etc. that I felt would help the doctors and surgeons to do a better job on me. The wait wasn't long, but the price did made my eyes shone. This is the first time I am doing a mammogram. The Philipino was fluent in English but wasn't really gentle. She is swift to 'squash' my B between the machine and left them swollen. Now I know why so many procrastinate over a mammogram. I may too...
After we left the hospital, the truth slowly sunk in. It was difficult as we are human but we have to go through it. I believe God put me in this trial for a reason and I am determined to pull through it. I know HE doesn't want to see me in person too soon as I can be real irritating at times, with my constant chanting. We went for a bite as my hubby must be real hungry by then. He seldom have to delay his lunch. he must have lost some weight... temporarily.
I felt good enough to laugh it through. I am not dying just like this. But I do have to start planning on how to 'transfer' whatever asset I have to a trusted person, so that the process will not be so tedious thereafter. I did not write a will because I do not have much asset really, to pass down.
We were at the clinic early, hoping to get a car park lot without too much waiting. But it took us 2.5hrs wait at the clinic, because Joy Lee said, we have to be the last patient as we will be having a LONG talk. Isn't it obvious what result it will be? That 2.5hrs was forever. But my hubby was with me, and forever isn't an issue.
When we finally saw her, it was 2.30pm and we were all very hungry. Nonetheless, we talked and talked and talked. I asked so many questions and she showed me pictures after pictures, textbooks after textbooks and charts after charts. The decision was upon me now to decide what and when I want to go for the surgery. The rest like radiation and chemo will follow after the op.
Nonetheless, I wanted to go through the series of tests like chest x-ray, mammogram, ECG etc. that I felt would help the doctors and surgeons to do a better job on me. The wait wasn't long, but the price did made my eyes shone. This is the first time I am doing a mammogram. The Philipino was fluent in English but wasn't really gentle. She is swift to 'squash' my B between the machine and left them swollen. Now I know why so many procrastinate over a mammogram. I may too...
After we left the hospital, the truth slowly sunk in. It was difficult as we are human but we have to go through it. I believe God put me in this trial for a reason and I am determined to pull through it. I know HE doesn't want to see me in person too soon as I can be real irritating at times, with my constant chanting. We went for a bite as my hubby must be real hungry by then. He seldom have to delay his lunch. he must have lost some weight... temporarily.
22 July 2010, Thursday
The wait is finally over? or maybe just started...
Both me and my hubby took leave.
We woke up early, brought our girl to childcare. Went for breakfast and proceed to Mount A for the queue. It wasn't a long wait actually though my hubby has a hard time finding a car park lot. it was drizzling and my hubby wanted me to proceed to the clinic first, rather than wait for a lot with him. He is forevere so sweet and loving.
I made my way to the clinic. Butterflies in my stomach. The clinic looked posh so it couldn't be cheap... The lady at the counter looked unfriendly. While waiting for my turn, she rejected quite a number of new patients on the phone.
Finally we meet up with a pleasant looking surprising young B surgeon, Joy Lee. I remembered the joke that my hubby made earlier, if Joy Lee can't heal me, she'll become SAD-ly. She asked me questions, told me to lie down and found the lump. Her tone started to change but I was prepared for the worst. She didn't want to give me a direct answer although with her experience, she should be able to tell the difference immediately. I pushed her for a more firm answer and she indirectly answered it. She did an ultra scan then a fine needle incision. My hubby was with me all this time. He was quiet but I think he is scared stiff. Poor thing.
Joy Lee said the result of the fine needle will be out TOMORROW. Another 24 hours of wait begins...
Both me and my hubby took leave.
We woke up early, brought our girl to childcare. Went for breakfast and proceed to Mount A for the queue. It wasn't a long wait actually though my hubby has a hard time finding a car park lot. it was drizzling and my hubby wanted me to proceed to the clinic first, rather than wait for a lot with him. He is forevere so sweet and loving.
I made my way to the clinic. Butterflies in my stomach. The clinic looked posh so it couldn't be cheap... The lady at the counter looked unfriendly. While waiting for my turn, she rejected quite a number of new patients on the phone.
Finally we meet up with a pleasant looking surprising young B surgeon, Joy Lee. I remembered the joke that my hubby made earlier, if Joy Lee can't heal me, she'll become SAD-ly. She asked me questions, told me to lie down and found the lump. Her tone started to change but I was prepared for the worst. She didn't want to give me a direct answer although with her experience, she should be able to tell the difference immediately. I pushed her for a more firm answer and she indirectly answered it. She did an ultra scan then a fine needle incision. My hubby was with me all this time. He was quiet but I think he is scared stiff. Poor thing.
Joy Lee said the result of the fine needle will be out TOMORROW. Another 24 hours of wait begins...
19 July 2010, Monday
Monday finally came. The long awaited day. I never remember looking forward to Mondays...in the past. Now I know I begin to.
I was waiting patiently for the clinic to call and my hubby was a bit panicky. He wanted me to call the clinic instead. But I prefer to wait.
Finally, I received the call that an appt was made with TTSH... on 26 July, another Monday. It is exactly 7 days away... of waiting.
When my hubby heard of the date, it almost killed him... He is worried sick and he can't bear it anymore. He started web surfing again... and he found Joy Lee, a B surgeon at Mount Alvernia. He called up, as a few questions and made an appointment. The earliest date was 22 July, Thur.
He politley update me on the date of appointment and I unwillingly agreed to it. What prompted me to agree is that the clinic will be at my favourite clinic. I was born in Mount A, I delivered my girl there... and if I have a choice, I'll choose to spend my last days there.
I was waiting patiently for the clinic to call and my hubby was a bit panicky. He wanted me to call the clinic instead. But I prefer to wait.
Finally, I received the call that an appt was made with TTSH... on 26 July, another Monday. It is exactly 7 days away... of waiting.
When my hubby heard of the date, it almost killed him... He is worried sick and he can't bear it anymore. He started web surfing again... and he found Joy Lee, a B surgeon at Mount Alvernia. He called up, as a few questions and made an appointment. The earliest date was 22 July, Thur.
He politley update me on the date of appointment and I unwillingly agreed to it. What prompted me to agree is that the clinic will be at my favourite clinic. I was born in Mount A, I delivered my girl there... and if I have a choice, I'll choose to spend my last days there.
18 July 2010, Sunday
More web surfing... but helplessness sinks in until we get a call from the clinic that an appt has been fixed.
17 July 2010, Saturday
Mixed feeling started to revolve between me and my hubby. We talked like we never talk before. We surfed the web for all kinds of symptoms, causes, what to expect etc... We tried to diagnose the situations but deep down, we are expecting for the worst scenario.
16 July 2010, Friday
On this nite, when I was showering as usual, I felt a big lump on my left B. I wasn't too sure but it just can't be missed. So I told my hubby and he was so worried that he rushed me down to the nearest GP who were closing. The GP was surprised by the size and wrote me immediately, a referral to a hospital. But the appointment can only be made the following Mon as the Specialist Clinic is closed during the weekend for appointment booking.
The sleepless nites began...
The sleepless nites began...
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